Friends With The Ex


I have always advocated being friends with an ex, that is, until I discovered the trials of it myself! He was my best friend, and then we dated for three hellish months which ended much like a train wreck. Fast forward half a year as I lived in Denver, and we began to talk again. By talk, I mean flirt, and Skype date, and talk on the phone when we were drunk. I had plenty of «boyfriends», so this hardly mattered to me and it was just something to do. Fast forward another half a year, and suddenly we were in the same state, even on the same campus. We hooked up a few times, and I began to suspect he still had feelings for me. By suspect, I mean he absolutely without a doubt did. Uh-oh! I suppose it is so easy to slip back into hooking up with an ex because you have done it a million times before, so why stop now? Let’s say you have had a thoroughly communicated conversation with an ex and neither of you claim to have lingering feelings, and so you continue to hook up. I’m still going to have to shoot this one down, and here’s why:
1. Scheming, scheming, scheming
Hypothetically, let’s consider the previous situation. Imagine your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend agrees to hook up without commitment, and you assume that you are free to continue searching for someone else to become your next beau. If your ex secretly has feelings for you, they may think that at least they get to keep hooking up with you, and that maybe you will rekindle a fire with them. Sounds crazy, but this is quite common in any age relationships. I am apparently quite dense when this situation is happening in my own life, but very perceptive when it’s happening in my friends’ lives, go figure. Also goes the other way around! They will more than likely not fall back to you, so save yourself the grief.
2. Let it go
Simply enough, sometimes you just need to let go of a person. Especially  if you see any signs that this person does have feelings for you. What to look for? We’ve all heard the term «red flag». One warning sign is any questioning look or communicated anxiety whenever you get a text or check a social network. If they are curious at all with who just tried to contact you, there may be something else there. Another warning sign may be anything more than hooking up, such as gazing at you for long periods of time. I know this sounds strange, but it’s true (believe me). Are you starting to see what I mean by dangerous? Bad news bears if your ex claims to just want a hook up but is giving you that look again…
When you break up with someone, or especially if they break up with you, just be done with it. Take your time to heal and also to enjoy your new freedom, and if you get lonely control any urge to call them up. You don’t want to hurt yourself, and you don’t want to hurt someone you cared about. Okay, okay, sometimes you do want to hurt someone you cared about, but we’re all adults here. This isn’t high school anymore, and we don’t need to be breaking out revenge because it always comes back around. If you want to be with someone, then be with them. If you don’t, well then don’t!