Why most guys who decide to become «pickup artists» don’t get the results they want..
.. and what to do about it.
What Is The Pickup Artist Myth?
The Pickup Artist Myth says that approaching women is a ‘hit and miss’ affair for most guys because these aspiring Pickup Artists are working on themselves from OUTSIDE IN, rather than from INSIDE OUT.
– A typical ‘nice guy’ gets fed up with being told by women that he is ‘just a friend’. He gets to work learning seduction methods, learning why being ‘nice guy’ never got him the results he wanted, approaching, escalating, building rapport…
– A guy who has had moderate success with women still gets nervous around women he REALLY likes. He becomes compelled to do better – and goes to work learning how to act confident, studying secret of body language and goes out approaching, escalating, building rapport..
– A guy who has never been with a girl, but knows deep inside he deserves to makes a decision to get this part of his life ‘handled’. He makes a commitment to learn social skills, and builds up the courage to make his first approach…
The Pickup Artist Myth says that all these guys make the same fatal assumption:
Just because they change their OUTWARDLY behaviours (by learning to approach, tease girls, be cocky, kino, build rapport, etc) – they will get permanent, consistent results with women and one day become the ‘REAL DEAL’.
Untrue, says the Pickup Artist Myth.
Untrue, untrue, untrue.
Failing to understand and appreciate, deeply, the difference between an INSIDE OUT perspective and that of an OUTSIDE IN is almost sure to be catastrophic for any man who wants anything more than ‘hit and miss’ results around women.
The result of having an OUTSIDE IN (pickup artist) and INSIDE OUT (real deal) perspective is predictable and verifiable by anyone interested in looking into it.
Let’s look at the difference between the two.
The Pickup Artist wannabe builds Game that depends on his skills.
He devotes his time, his energy, and his life learning, and working on skills which help him shift women’s emotions..
.. (attraction is not a logical process, as he knows by now)..
and overcome obstacles and her objections on the path to sexual gratification.
In the end (when he is a recovering AFC, or a green PUA, or whatever other label he chooses for himself), he thinks very much the same as he did at the start (when he was a fully certifiable AFC).
Well, at the start, he used to supplicate to women to attract them – by being extra nice, being polite, paying for everything, coming across as a stable provider type, trying to ‘prove’ to women that he is worthy of them…
Today, he behaves very differently. He playfully teases women. He may even become a fearless ‘approach machine’.
He can make girls laugh. He demonstrates value and/or runs direct/natural/whatever else is the ‘big thing’ that month.
The reason he is behaving in this ‘new and improved’ new way is still the same – he wants women to be attracted to him.
Bottom line – his behaviour has changed, but his THINKING hasn’t.
He is still the same guy underneath the shiny new exterior.
He is hoping, however, that this new exterior will get convincing enough, for himself and others. (With time and enough approaches under his belt, of course).
He is hoping for a ‘trickle-down’ effect or sorts to take place.
For his bold new persona to soak deep into the very core of his being and for that to result in what some refer to as «complete identity transformation’.
And stay that way, independent of his state.
Here is the weird part.
The Pickup Artist Wannabe notices something.
Yes, women may respond to him more than they did in his past life as an AFC.
Yes, some of them give him their numbers. Some giggle at whatever he has to say. Some flirt with him. Some may even agree to go on a date with this up and coming Pickup Artist.
But eventually most of the women he initiates a conversation with lose interest in him.
As LoGun pointed out in the Inner Game Essentials Seminar, they either ‘go dance’ or they suddenly ‘have a boyfriend’ or they simply stop returning his calls.
Here is a quick test to find out if you’re falling into the same trap. Ask yourself –
How many of your ‘approaches’ end up becoming sex, romance or passion?
If most of the women you approach lose interest in you after a while – and you wish they didn’t – you should read on.
And don’t be too hard on yourself – we all fall into this trap of working on ourselves from OUTSIDE IN. I know I have, and spent almost a year in it before I ‘saw the light’ and found a quicker and easier way of doing things.
When I was focusing on game from ‘OUTSIDE IN’, talking to women felt like a struggle. Like a series of steps and obstacles to be overcome.
And is it any wonder? I learned ‘game’ as series of steps.
It was a series of milestones – with a series of necessary skills to match. Approach. Open. Attract … all the way to Close. I’m sure you know the drill.
Let me show you what it looks like from the perspective of OUTSIDE IN.
This Man realises that his ‘lack of skills’ is caused by something DEEPER.
The best way for me to show you what I mean is to paint a quick scenario for you.
You know those real-life stories you hear every now and then…
…Where a guy can’t walk properly and he spends 20-30 years on medications which relieve the joint pain caused by his condition..
.. control the muscular spasms, and he uses a stick to help him walk?
This guy – let’s call him Rob – can get by everyday without anyone’s help. He is not disabled. And if he tries hard enough and really focuses he can make himself walk in a way that’s pretty much ‘normal’.
But Rob will never run, dance or have much of freedom of choice in where he is able to go.
Then, one day, Rob needs to renew his prescription and he goes to see his usual doctor. It’s the doctor who diagnosed Rob’s condition, and who has been treating him for the past 20 years.
This doctor is considered to be the authority in his field by his peers, and Rob trusts him.
But today, the good doctor is away – and Rob gets a young, fresh visiting physician instead.
Rob is wary of this new guy. He knows his old doctor, and he feels like he is old friends with him – and he likes being able to catch up with him as his prescription is filled. But, the old doc is away until next week and Rob needs more meds now.
He decides to bite the bullet and decided to see the new guy as an exception.
The new doc looks briefly at his charts, looks at Rob with a fresh set of eyes and smiles –
«Good news, Rob. You don’t need more medication. Your condition has nothing to do with your muscles and joints…
…I can see a nerve that is pinched here, and it’s causing all these problems you’re having. I just need to do a quick procedure to un-pinch the nerve and you’ll be running around faster than me.»
And what do you know, turns out this young doctor is right.
A day later Rob struts home without any aids, walking tall and with a sense of relief and a new lease on life.
So Rob just spent 20 years of his life, controlling his symptoms.
Focusing on the OUTSIDE.
And he was learning a myriad of skills to cope with his OUTER symptoms, hoping to approximate physical ability of a man who was born with the ability to do so, and who takes it for granted.
And Rob would have spent another 20 years doing that.
His future changed dramatically overnight because for one physician Rob’s symptoms were NOT the pink elephant in the middle of the room.
The old doctor saw the symptoms are the problem, and spent 20 years controlling them.
For the new young physician, symptoms were a bunch of clues pointing to the real cause of Rob’s problem.
Once he fixed the CAUSE, the symptoms went away as well.
And that’s the end of that story. Rob, of course, if a fictitious character, but the shocking thing thing is – medical field is full of stories like this.
– People diagnosed with depression who don’t actually have depression.
– People who have been told they’re paralyzed get up and start walking after an inflammation that’s been blocking a vital gland is treated with simple antibiotics.
.. and so on.
They are all stories of people getting results they want by focusing on the causes, rather than the symptoms of the problem.
Which brings us back to the two perspectives at hand – the OUTSIDE IN (pickup artist, skill-based game) and INSIDE OUT (real deal, inner game)
The man who truly wants to be the REAL DEAL has the courage to look beyond his symptoms. He focuses on the causes, rather than the outwardly manifestations.
He realises that his success with women is just a a small fragment of his success with HIMSELF. And his success with HIMSELF is a direct product of how he perceives himself and everything around him.
So, he goes to work on how he perceives the world, knowing that once that is in place, everything else will follow. That seeing is believing.
This Man rebuilds his identity from inside out. This identity liberates him to be unashamedly masculine.
It creates endless amounts of energy and passion which he wants to bring to women’s lives.
It increases his personal, interpersonal, emotional and sexual capital exponentially.
In the end, there is a significant amount he can GIVE to a woman he approaches. His life has intrinsic value, and that value is not subject to tides of acceptance or rejection by others.
Women sense that from him on a subconscious level from a mile away, and are deeply, uncontrollably attracted to him.
His life is that of BEING a man, BEING THE REAL DEAL.
Not ACTING like one in hopes that one day ‘fake it till he makes it’.
His process began from inside, and manifested outwards. He knows that everything on the outside is just a manifestation of what’s inside.
He polishes his core, and it shines through his every move, word and every breath he takes.
The Pickup Artist Wannabe, in the meantime, begins from OUTSIDE IN, hopes that his behavioural changes will ‘internalise’ one day, or – at best – he will be able to mask his inside with a nice and thick layer of game.
Same amount of time invested, significantly different return on investment.
The Pickup Artist wannabe achieves kiss closes, number closes, day 2s, extractions, same night lays.
The Real Man achieves passion, energy, adventure and fire.
The result, in both cases, is predictable.
In the beginning, the Real Man took on what would seem to be, on the surface of it, an enormous task. To transform his life. To become a man of substance (honesty, courage and love, as LoGun would say).
A man who can light a fire inside a woman just by looking at her.
Just by being.
A man who lives to give his gift, unconditionally.
A man who brings life and adventure to a woman’s life. And when he parts with her, he leaves her better than he found her, for in every moment he was with her, he was ADDING to her life.
Instead of taking.
On the very first day the aspiring Pickup Artist was doing pretty much the same thing he would be doing 2 years later –
Learning theory. Deciding to go out in field. Getting the nerve up to approach a woman. Doing a few warm-up sets. Getting a number close here. Sending some ‘text game’ later. Gaming a few women he closed last week. Posting on the forums about it. Reading some more theory..
The Real Man set of on his journey the same day the aspiring Pickup Artist set of on his.
What a difference though!
The Real Man is a true masculine energy, one of the most realised ever. The Pickup Artist is a boy suffering from a masculine seizure. One of so many.
Same amount of time invested, significantly different return on their investment.
Knowing what you know right now, who made the most effective choice in his life, the Real Man or the aspiring Pickup Artist?
And would you rather work on yourself from OUTSIDE IN or from INSIDE OUT?
To Become Liked, Don’t Try To Be Liked.
Body Language Secrets Which You Probably Didn’t Know.
How To Be Attractive To Women
Share the Love
Get Free Updates